survivors manchester

It Can't Be That

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By Terry

Often, daily even, I’d say to myself four simple words; “It can’t be that.”
After all it was such a short and trivial sentence of no importance.

So if I could see it like this, then surely the meaning behind it was just as irrelevant.

It was the poverty I was born in, why I found school so hard, the study, the bullying, I just didn’t fit in.

“It can’t be that.”

Why I rebelled so much, the crime, the violence and juvenile intro to drink, drugs and the sex.

“It can’t be that.”

The jobs, the family, the friends I lost, didn’t matter, it is how it is, no one cared anyway, least of all me.

“It can’t be that.”

The addiction, isolation, degradation, spiralling deeper and darker.

“It can’t be that.”

The attempts, the wanting and such strong conviction to not be here.

“It can’t be that.”

But I am still here. I’m a survivor.

I’m getting back all that he took, the strength, trust, belief and so much more.

I still say a simple four word sentence, not daily though, only because for sometimes and for the past times,

“IT’S BECAUSE OF THAT!”

That… the selection, manipulation through false affection, the violation and rejection.

Because THAT is abuse, the sexual abuse.

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